--

It's amazing how many times the heart can break. It's crazy how one can throw himself/herself into the whirlpool of hurt again and again.

Each time, my heart dies a little. And each time, I wish it completely dies so I don't have to go through the same things again.

You often tell me that you love me and I'm great and all lovely to you. But very often too you make me feel like the lousiest person on earth. You make me feel inferior to everybody else; every girl you meet, every girl you check out and the girls you used to love.

You make me feel like the loudest screams are silent. My words falls on death ears and all you need from me is a nod, and a smile, and that all's okay. I should be void of emotions and be agreeable to everything you say.

You don't think about the reasons behind my emotions, you don't think about why I say certain things, you don't think about me.

You fight for people's attention and love. You give them your all without them having to fight. And you make me fight for your love. Wounded, and still fighting.

I'm asking for help, for a stop, to cease the war and for you to see how hard I'm trying. I'm bleeding all over and I'm asking you to save me, to dress my wounds and make me brand new again.

But you don't see a need to bend over for me. And I know, you never will.

What is love when you simply magnify your efforts and diminishes mine?

What is love when you don't give two hoots about my feelings.

What is love when you don't rush to my side the moment I need you and what is love when you stuck a spear on my back instead of watching my back for me.

What is love when all words are empty promises.

What is love when all actions constitutes hurt.

What is love when you don't even give me any.

All these while I'm just pathetically waiting.

-

bye youth, bye love and bye heart.

-

Can't give a damn about it anymore.

It's better to mask intuitions sometimes and ensure that such thoughts will never resurface again.

24th

Birthday in an hour and I'm not feeling okay.

To be honest, I don't even know when was the last time I felt full and happy. It seemed like year ago, and I've been living life on the downs without knowing how to be okay on my own.

Every year, I question my existence and I wonder why people always leave me when I give them their best. I question why people just see the worst side of me when I try to earn their approvals like a dog eager to get an owner's love. I wonder why I'm not who I was and I wonder why I'm afraid of everyone and everything. I get confused as to what my goals were and I don't know why I lose sight of them through this process called growth.

This gets more upsetting each year. It's to a point where I can no longer put my emotions into words and, I can't write about it anymore.

-

Had enough of unstable relationships, promises made in the pure premise of emotions and people who just refuse to stand in the shoes of others.

Tired tired tired tired tired tired.