Finally down.

So yes, I'm finally ill. It's been a month since I bid goodbye to a very important part of my life and that literally torn me into pieces. A month of not eating well, emotional turmoils and tears. My body has been in shit condition and it still is in shit condition now.

So, all my plans are cancelled and I'm just going to stay in today. Feels kinda good actually, to be having days whereby I just do nothing but Tumblr and read in bed all day. But my idling week is coming to an end for sure and it's time to get life going.

I used to be so afraid of idling because of the standards Ben set for me, consciously or subconsciously, I don't know. But after his harsh exit out of my life, I realised, what's wrong with idling?

I mean of course, one shouldn't idle for too long. But I think a healthy, short period of idling is actually good for my brains and soul. You find passions that've been lost over the chase of grades, money and fame (in your career), you cultivate your thoughts with what energises you and you fill your mind with things that keeps you happy.

Idling doesn't seem so bad afterall.

You could meet friends up, have them remind you of who you really are, then get fat with yummy food. Simple days don't come easy and it keeps you grateful for life in general.

How life can be so complicated and yet on some days you're just a basic bitch.

I'm kind of happier on my own now but somehow, I wish Ben was here to share all these better parts of me. It's not that I'm still hung over him but I actually do think that I loved him properly. Not in the best way but, I did.

We didn't survive our down time then so be it. It's just that perhaps he doesn't deserve the better times of me anymore.

But I know someone else out there does, and someone will enjoy this better part of me and me, his.

For now, I'm just happy with the current situation and I need to freaking clear my desk. It's in a huge mess just like how my life is.

Eventually everything will get cleared up anyway.