10:02PM.

There my heart aches.

I know that humans will fail you but time and time again, you failed me and yet you desire to prove yourself right.

How selfish can parents get.
How self-centred can parents be.
How insensitive can parents become.

Instead of glorifying how amazing my parents are, I'm truly disappointed at how your burdens all fall on me.

It's not that I don't want to carry the weight of a broken marriage, but the weight of such a situation is too much for me to bear.

Do you know the feeling of having your chest so tight that you can barely breathe?
Do you know how it feels when two of your (supposedly) role models don't have their shit together?
Do you know how it feels when you've absolutely no idea who to go to, what to look out for and then you're forced to explore an area of your life where any normal human being will only go to years later?
Do you know how it feels like when "home" is simply a place where you have to diffuse bombs and seek shelter amidst raging bullets between two individuals that somehow, turned love into hate.

Do you guys even think about me for a second.

I've always been, and am still, trying to see the best in you two. Constantly praying and hoping that one day things will miraculously turn slightly more normal. (Because the word "better" is just an understatement.)

I'm not holding up well and I can feel it.

I'm part of this family too.

As much as you guys are both dealing with disappointments in each other, my brother and I are both too.

Seeing 7 years more of such rubbish makes me slightly more vulnerable to the negative emotions you guys emit than he is.

And I got to worry for him.
I got to worry for another two fully grown adults behaving like kids over spilled milk at home.
I got to deal with a thousand other snark comments that other family members speak of due to stories from an upset pair of parents on each side.

I got to deal, I got to deal, I got to deal.

And here I am, 23, still trying to adult and none of you actually realise how much I myself have been through over the past year.

I've my fair share of problems too and who do I go to.

You guys say that because I'm your daughter and if you don't come to me then to whom do you go to?

You, my parents, and I can't go to you so who else can I go to?