11:41AM.

This is like a series of "My Thoughts In Time", yep.

I don't want to move forward in life. Yep, I don't want to. Simply because, I've been moving forward so much that I actually want to stop and stagger a little. I want to know how it feels to be stagnant, I want to let myself stop growing for a little while. I don't know why but I just want to.

There isn't always a reason for something, right?

Or perhaps, what I need now is stagnancy.

Maybe, maybe. I'll probably know when the time for me to know comes.

In addition, I'm starting to feel the Aquarius in me.

I'm freaking serious.

Okay, I'm not a firm believer of horoscope but something sounded with me while reading some horoscope nonsense on Twitter. That Aquarius tend to "avoid their emotions and run away when they feel that something triggers their senses in uncomfortable situations, or situations they aren't sure how to handle".

There we go.

That's me, right now.

I can sense that windows to this peculiar mind of mine shutting and emotions are literally trying to bang their way out of this Pandora's box.

Do you remember that I kept it shut, most of the times. Only a few manage to unlock it and I'm not sure if they liked what they found.

But yes I can feel the lock clicking.

It's unlocking.

Then there's a immense need to keep it shut, tightly.

And that's me, running off with it.

Beside all of that, there's you.

I haven't exactly thought of you for a long while, but I did, on graduation day when I saw you again after all these months. And I'm glad I felt nothing but gratitude.

Why?

Well, I honestly wanted to write you a note containing these thoughts but then again I realised it's pretty pointless to do so. Whether you see this or not, whether you realise how much I've loved you and whether you realise how wrong you're about me, it doesn't matter.

We let fate call, alright?

So, commencement, I was all about thankfulness. The number of people I got to say "thank you" to, I counted you in as one of them.

We ended things very badly, yes we did. But no doubt during my trying times in university, you tried you best in your own ways to be there for me. And even though you were a source of problems for me, you made me felt at worst and you made me doubt myself countless times. I guess I made the decision, for myself, to be in that predicament.

Our prides swallowed us both.

But still, thank you for trying to be there, and for being there during the down-er times. Some of my friends say that I'm too thankful for people but I appreciate this part of me for it reminds me how I'm never strong on my own, and I can only go through life obstacles with strength borrowed from those around me.

You're no longer part of my life now, not even close to being involved from a distance but I appreciate the fact that you were one of my main strength-pillars and you were a source of strength for me.

We, were always at extreme ends - sun ray or poison - per se. And I'm thankful that the relationship between you and me gave me valuable lessons to keep. You did make an impact in my life in the most unkind way but I still appreciate them a lot.

And I mean it.