Gonna deal.

It's close to 2 months in Shanghai and I'm not settling in well. Never expect myself to be this homesick and this empty abroad. I'm not too sure why, or how I've became so negative but all I know is that I'm been crying, feeling depressed and generally not happy about life here. Yes, I'm learning, but it feels like I'm learning a whole lot lesser than I thought I would be. Yes, I have friends and I'm not lonely, but I miss friends I'm more comfortable with and I miss my family, my bed and my Totoro. Most importantly, I miss Benji. I appear so weak and spoilt here but truth to be told, I know I'm not someone like that and I am not one who gives up easily.

I honestly am not sure what is happening to me.

I've always been someone who gets tougher when the going get toughs, I've always been someone who sees challenges as opportunities for growth. I like growing, I like becoming wiser, stronger and independent. It feels like I left all that of me back in Singapore and I came to Shanghai, an empty shell.

Maybe I wasn't focused enough when I came to Shanghai, maybe I didn't expect Shanghai to be this, shocking, when I came. Maybe I overestimated my threshold and maybe I underestimated working overseas for a year.

I can't seem to find a reason good enough for how I'm feeling.