To you, the future you.

When I first knew you, you were the sweetest and kindest boy I've ever met.

You were patient when I couldn't make up my mind about a million other things in life. You were opened when my heart was guarded and when I held my walls high. You were thoughtful at all times and you made sure that I had a smile plastered on my face the entire day.

You were where my soul felt rested and you were a place that felt safe through the chaos and struggles in this thing call "life". I've never felt more at home around you.

At some point of time, things changed, people changed, we changed.

Despite the tremendous amount of changes we've survived through and the numerous obstacles we've overcame hand in hand. Part of you wishes to leave and then, you left in the most unkind manner. You left after turning my world in circles and you left at a time where I needed you the most.

As much as I want to remember you for the good, which is what I've been doing to stay with you quarrels after quarrels. I've been overlooking the problems we've had, wishing for a time period to actually resolve it and despite knowing how controlled I'll be, I wanted to stick it through with you.

What hurts most is that you dropped everything for what may be better and, you were heartless in doing so. You were mean with your words, relentless with your actions and you became someone who constantly tugged my heartstrings in the worst way possible and you became my source of pain and bitterness.

How I wish that we both could put our pride down and see each other in a clearer manner.

I'm not sure if we were, or will be, good for each other. I'm not sure if we both did let the "good one" go. but I just want to try my best to stay as thankful for you regardless the situation and I hope you do see my efforts too.

I've forgotten how it's like to be alone at Starbucks, waiting for nobody, simply having my own time, doing my own thing. (Anything but to study for tomorrow's paper.) I've forgotten how it's like to work hard for my own keep, to dedicate my time to things I enjoy doing, instead of constantly thinking about the person I love, and the person I like.

I've forgotten how I was like, what made me happy and the idea of solitude I used to enjoy. I've forgotten how to love myself, and therefore I often question why you'd even love me in the first place.

Maybe we would have worked out, maybe we wouldn't. Ultimately, there was always something you can pick out about me and there was always something you were not happy with.

Call me insecure, call me annoying. But the truth is that when I was too involved, it suffocated you. When I was too caught up with my own problems, you said that I didn't care about you. But when you were busy, you told me to deal with it because that's just who you were.

I was ready to be your beck and call, I changed myself to suit your needs.

I lost myself.

This weekend was supposed to be an "anniversary" kind of thing, the stay over we've been waiting for, Shakespeares in the Park, studying and coffee dates together. Understanding the notion of space and then finally enjoying proper date together.

I'm not sure if pride is the only thing that tore us apart.

It's going to take a long while for me to remember how to be happy, on my own. It's going to take a long while for me to regain confidence and resume my plans.

Despite your constant nagging of "moving on in life", I think career isn't something that that determines how far in life you've came. I know that I'm growing each day, I know that I'm learning something everyday and soon enough, I'll be at a place where you may or may not ever be.

I want to remember the notion of faith, that God will deliver me to where I belong and I'll walk through this extremely difficult time with Him and Him only.

I'm blessed, more blessed than ever and for you, I only have the best thoughts for you and I hope you do start growing too.