Screwed up big time.

Papers' in an hour's time and half my readings not done. Sometimes I wonder why did I ever put myself in this predicament and why did I ever entrust my heart in yours, only to have you shattering it the week right before crunch period. Sometimes, I do wonder if you ever worry or even think the slightest of me, if you do reflect on your actions and wonder, "Have I been too harsh on her?"

You said that you were patient throughout the relationship. Yes, when I was in Shanghai, but no, not most of the time. Often I can't even question your intentions but you often do question mine. Just because I'm more straightforward than you doesn't mean that I'm more controlling than you are. Think about it, who's the one holding the steering wheel of this relationship and who is the one often implicitly demanding change in the other party.

Think about, who has changed the most for the other party in this relationship. What's most scary is not that I've lost you, but I've lost myself alongside with you.

If I even pass this semester, it'll be a miracle. But the fact is that I've been trying to survive well and good without you amidst finals, I've been trying to ignore my tears and read my notes in effort to do my best for my last ever semester in school, I've been trying to look pass how much you've changed and treated me in the most monstrous manner, I think I do deserve a small pat on my back.

If only you could see how much you've hurt me, but then again, you're not even trying nor caring.